sorry about the lack of updates... i'll give y'all a quick rundown of my past couple days:

- dawn's not only okay, she's married. yeah, my number one crush... the girl i still carry a torch for and would do most anything to be with in a second is no longer in circulation. color me depressed.
- click called me at lunch today. i guess she's been busy as hell and i haven't talked with her since like, jeez, monday... been so busy covering stuff with guerrillanews and trying to do work i haven't had the time. her parents are still stuck overseas. not bueno.
- both guerrillanews and vp labs have gotten an assload of hits because someone posted the links to the g. mark hardy commentary and the vp labs tribute page on metafilter.
- i'm really tired. i need a beer and a weekend full of mind numbing video games. i don't need anymore news. i think i'm suffering from information overload. but i know i'll keep watching the news reguardless...

hrm. what else is going on in my world? well, i haven't gotten into it here but click and i aren't really connecting as far as a relationship level goes. we've both agreed on this like over a week ago, and we're still friends and all but there's just no rice krispies there [see: snap, crackle or pop].

so yet again my heart feels alone.

i haven't really had a relationship in a while. no girlfriend that i've connected to on that level since like july of 1998. and even back in july that relationship had been dead for two months before we'd split. i'm going on four years without a girlfriend. four years without a connection or that feeling of shared warmth...

i was headed home the other night and i had in the depeche mode tribute album "for the masses". veruca salt doing "somebody" came on and i started getting all weepy. so here i am, walking down the street with my headphones on and the begining of tears pooling to make thier run down my cheeks. people i passed on the street must have thought i was crying because of the wtc fiasco and this old lady came up to me, gave me a hug and said, "it'll be okay. your pain will pass." and before i could say a word she walked away.

maybe my pain will pass, but right now i feel so empty.

"i want somebody to share / share the rest of my life / share my innermost thoughts / know my intimate details / someone who'll stand by my side / and give me support / and in return / she'll get my support / she will listen to me / when I want to speak / about the world we live in / and life in general / though my views may be wrong / they may even be perverted / she'll hear me out / and won't easily be converted / to my way of thinking / in fact she'll often disagree / but at the end of it all / she will understand me / i want somebody who cares / for me passionately / with every thought and / with every breath / someone who'll help me see things / in a different light / all the things i detest / i will almost like / i don't want to be tied / to anyone's strings / i'm carefully trying to steer clear of those things / but when i'm asleep / i want somebody / who will put their arms around me / and kiss me tenderly / though things like this / make me sick / in a case like this / i'll get away with it"