when it rains, it pours...

my brother jim who has moved back into my parents house earlier this summer has been out of a job for the past month and a half. lately, he's been lifting money and things from my parents - but my mom and dad are far too scared to say a thing about it because they're afraid a confrontation will make him leave and move back in with his abusive girlfriend - and things from my room have been appearing in his... no confrontation = jim thinking he can still get away with this sort of thing.

well, last night after i found my thirty dollar bottle of vodka and six pack of bass ale missing i decided to confront him about it. when he walked in, i asked him why he took it and he said "i don't know" then walked out of the house with a fustrated "i don't want to deal with this" look on his face. i followed him outside and told him that all he was doing was running away from his problems and he said he was completly okay with that. then i went to inform him that i felt he was taking advantage of mom, dad and myself and i don't want to live with a lock on my bedroom door but he's forced me to go out and put one on this weekend. he shrugged and kept walking. fustrated, i walked back to the house and sat down to ponder what was going on.

minutes later, jim walked back in the house and grabbed his backpack and started shoving stuff into it. my mom just then got out of the shower and asked jim if i'd talked to him and he answered with an abrupt "yeah, and now i'm leaving." of course my mom started crying and i got pissed so i tried to coral jim into staying - until he choked me to get me out of his way. that's when the struggle happened.

...and then i snapped.

i wrestled jim down and got on top of him and pounded on his head like it was a door. i wanted blood. at least a dozen times i hit him, then my mom threw her hands in front of jim's head to stop me. i got off jim and he got up and walked out of the house. and all i could do between sobs was laugh. hysterically.

later, he called my mom and they talked. jim was going to leave forever - or at least that was his threat - and it took my mom sobbing into the phone and telling jim i didn't want to kill him to get him to not hop a freight train to wherever right then and there. so my brother's home, and i haven't talked to him since. hell, i didn't sleep well because i was afraid he'd come into my room and beat the shit out of me while i was sleeping like he's done to other people before. but i've got a lock i'm going to put on my room and i'm not sure how i'm going to fix the dammage that's been done - or if i even want to...