tensions are high at exo... everyone wants things to succeed but who knows how things are going to pan out. every day at work has become like riding a tilt-a-whirl and tim is the carnie in control of it all.

we haven't seen our regular sales guys since before christmas and now trent and april [who've come in to help with sales] are getting a little fed up with their situation in the sales office. i can't blame them. one of the two computers works - but it runs xp, the "q" sticks and their user accounts don't have the privs to install anything on their machines. this isp has always been held together with bailing wire and bubblegum and we've run our supply extremely thin.

when i see canis now [he's our new installer, sort-of] he looks like he's being crushed under the weight of a 800lb gorilla. not happy at all. tim treats him just like he did jesse, tho not as badly. seriously, i think canis is getting fed up with tim too. but perhaps i'm juxtaposing my feelings on him.

i've worked here for almost a year [exactly a year on the 23rd] and i've picked up a lot of knowledge in that time. but the best thing i learned is something that can only happen by experience...

never, ever, under any circumstance work for a friend...

or for a friend of a friend or family for that matter, but you should get my drift. i have no idea where my personal life ends and work begins. i loathe my boss but i like my friend... that's the way the universe has always worked. but the second you cross that line shit just becomes weird. you go hang out with your friends, your boss is there... you go to work and your friends come in to say hey or catch lunch and stay all day... work stops feeling like work but when it comes time to buckle down then that work feels worse than any other time you actually did any. oh, and if you mess up or slack off either all your friends hear about it or the "i can't belive you did that" gets personal. and don't get me started about quitting. i've almost walked off and tried to find something new at least four times since summer. the only problem is the guilt got to me. i don't want to see my friend's company - something quite a bit of myself into as well - fail. not like they'd fail without me, but i was the only person in our group that would work for such shitty pay that had the skillset required for the job. ugh.

it's funny tho, it seems i knew this was going to happen... why in the hell didn't i listen to myself?

enough of this. time to settle in and watch to see if the rats jump ship...