as she walked us out to the door she gave me one last hug. i took a couple steps away and saw tears streaming down her face. jesus christ i was going to miss her. it'd been a while since we'd hung out. since we'd played eighties video games and got coffee. it'd been even longer since we'd spent that lazy summer saturday afternoon curled up on her bed watching "a different world" reruns. since i'd worked the knots out of her back. god how i loved touching her bare shoulders. spending time with her, completely complacent. calm. happy.

i still harbor this silly little crush towards her. i find it so hard to let her go. i don't want her to move away, but here it is under an hour and a half before her father wakes her up, puts her jeep on the trailer and head the u-haul back towards colorado and there's nothing i can do. i can't sleep. something won't let me.

a part of me wants it to be that lazy summer afternoon again, laying in bed with her. watching bad television and taking a nap. even if only for a couple minutes, an hour tops... just to have that moment again, i'd give almost anything for.

but now, here she is crying and i want with every fucking iota of my being to kiss her goodbye. and all i can do is pull her in and tell her that it'll be cool. that she'll be back one day and we'll play video games again. she can always come back to visit. the truth is, she's not even gone and i miss her already.

if you'll pardon me, i've got some drinking to do.

"you were the special one / something we shared / the one that i missed the most / the who cared / so when i come around / for my goodbyes / you'll be the scarecrow / you'll be the scarecrow / the one i adore / the one i carry with me forever more"

:: e, "you'll be the scarecrow"