a temp's guide to surviving the corporate world

a friend of mine who temps for a living recently posted this list to his site after going back for another tour of duty with a decent sized company. you'd think that the behavior listed below wouldn't get him asked back, but you'd be wrong.

he's allowing me to repost his guidelines for surviving the corporate world as long as i strip out any references to the company he's working for. enjoy!

seating position
always make sure your back and monitor face the wall, opposite the doorway. the last thing you need is a shoulder surfer when you get tricked into looking at goatse or tubgirl for the hundredth time.

alt-tab
this key combination is your friend. know it, learn it, love it. in a crisis alt-f4 will also become your friend.

medical benefits
when you're a temp, your only benefits are a first aid kit. take good advantage of this and note the days when they restock the kit. you want to be sure you're ready for anything at home or away from the office. but remember, don't strip the damn thing until right before restocking or you'll be shit out of luck if you get into a copier accident.

smoke break
take one, frequently. doesn't matter if you smoke or not, take that break. half the building is taking several extra paid breaks per day just becase they're killing their lungs and the enviorment. no reason facist pink lunged folk shouldn't get the same breaks. this is affirmative action working for you.

shitting
always try to contain yourself until you are on the clock. i can't stress this enough. nothing feels better than getting paid hourly to sit on your ass, squeezing one out, except maybe for rubbing your asshole to your content. while you're at it, give the ol' boy a good shake/rub down or whatever. i mean, you're at work with your pants around your ankles. why not?

[bonus: bring a gameboy advance sp with you. make sure to turn the sound off. you can get a good twenty to thirty minutes of gaming in, and nobody will question it. if they look at you funny, just make a yucky face while holding your stomach.]

hopefully these guidelines will come in handy.