after plenty of deliberation and with a bit of a heavy heart, i think it's time to put gomi up on the shelf.
i'm not sure how or why i came to that decision... maybe it's just because it feels like the right time time.
i've got a lot of heavy things going on in my life and change is in the wind. it just feels as if it's high time to evolve, and i don't think i can do that here.
the archives will exist for as long as i can keep them going. that's likely to keep me from getting a job or holding public office in the future but fuck it. the words i wrote here are a record of who i was at a time and place in my life. hopefully i can come back in five or ten years to make some sense out of it all.
but don't think that i'm walking away from weblogging. i plan to keep posting at preshrunk as well as my new personal site, ono sendai. i hope some of y'all manage to follow me over there. cheers!
10.24.2005
10.15.2005
endings
Megan and I had a good talk today. Unfortunately, out of that good talk came something I never wanted to think about happening.
We're over. Finished. We aren't taking a break to see if we can figure this out later. Nope. The Megan and Jason Show has been canceled.
Have you ever been in love with someone and had it change into a friendship? Well, that's exactly what happened here. Around this time last year - when she was graduating from culinary school - I told her that she'd grown so much in the two plus years that we'd been together. And I saw then that the time was going to come where she wasn't going to need us anymore. Not in the way she thought she did.
When I told Megan this, she dismissed it and said I was being pessimistic. But something felt different and it worried the hell out of me. I wanted to marry this girl, but I was beginning to have second thoughts. Was what we really shared love or something else?
As I look back, I realized that we were two people who really needed somebody. Not only to help act as a port in a storm, but also as a catalyst for change. Megan was young and lacking self esteem. I was approaching my mid-twenties and drinking to keep myself from feeling alone. Two people in the wrong place at the right time.
I lavished her with attention and positive reinforcement while she gave me companionship and affection. We both felt complete after feeling alone for so long. It was exactly what we needed. Megan became more sure of herself and my focus was changed long enough for me to weed out the bad influences that were dragging me down.
And while plenty of those bad influences will likely claim that she purposely alienated me from them, I really feel that it's necessary to say that it really was my decision to cut them out of my life. Being given the opportunity to step back from a bad situation and reflect on it is invaluable. In fact, Megan was the one trying to keep me social thru all of this. Urging me to work things out instead of snubbing people who, despite being a bad influence, had been an important part of making me who I am.
Megan also helped me learn that drinking is not the answer to depression. At the time, it wasn't that hard for her to do. I drank because I was lonely. She made me feel less alone. Once again, she allowed me to step back and realize what I was doing.
Intitally, after I left Megan's house today, my gut reaction was to swing by the store and buy a 12 pack of Newcastle to drown my sorrows. But I realized that sort of thing could lead to regression, which isn't healthy. Why should I let myself slip back to square one and lose everything I'd gotten out of this relationship?
The worst thing I can do is let the past three and a half years be all for naught.
The funny thing about love is, sometimes we mistake it for feeling whole. "You complete who I am right now" isn't anywhere close to "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you." People are weird creatures who often mistake one emotion for the other while being caught up in a moment.
Megan and I didn't work out the way I hoped we would. After looking into her eyes today while she cut me loose, I noticed the luster had gone from them. Then I tried to remember the last time I saw them sparkle, but I couldn't. At that point, all I could remember was the first time. When she told me she loved me in her grandmother's front yard. Had I just been replaying it the whole time? Maybe it was never there to begin with...
I'm going to try to stay friends with her, but I don't know if that'll end up being too weird. I hope it won't be. She's too big a part of who I am now for me to just cut her out of my life completely. We've shared too much and have too large a vested interest in one another to throw the friendship we've built out the window.
Megan said she wanted to stay friends. And I could tell by her voice that she was being honest with me. Right now we've got geography working against us, so who knows where things will go from here. To be honest, I don't think anything should have to change other than our physical relationship. As long as I can keep from wanting to kiss her, there's no reason that we can't make something work.
I'd hate to lose both my best friend any my girlfriend in one fell swoop. *sigh*
We're over. Finished. We aren't taking a break to see if we can figure this out later. Nope. The Megan and Jason Show has been canceled.
Have you ever been in love with someone and had it change into a friendship? Well, that's exactly what happened here. Around this time last year - when she was graduating from culinary school - I told her that she'd grown so much in the two plus years that we'd been together. And I saw then that the time was going to come where she wasn't going to need us anymore. Not in the way she thought she did.
When I told Megan this, she dismissed it and said I was being pessimistic. But something felt different and it worried the hell out of me. I wanted to marry this girl, but I was beginning to have second thoughts. Was what we really shared love or something else?
As I look back, I realized that we were two people who really needed somebody. Not only to help act as a port in a storm, but also as a catalyst for change. Megan was young and lacking self esteem. I was approaching my mid-twenties and drinking to keep myself from feeling alone. Two people in the wrong place at the right time.
I lavished her with attention and positive reinforcement while she gave me companionship and affection. We both felt complete after feeling alone for so long. It was exactly what we needed. Megan became more sure of herself and my focus was changed long enough for me to weed out the bad influences that were dragging me down.
And while plenty of those bad influences will likely claim that she purposely alienated me from them, I really feel that it's necessary to say that it really was my decision to cut them out of my life. Being given the opportunity to step back from a bad situation and reflect on it is invaluable. In fact, Megan was the one trying to keep me social thru all of this. Urging me to work things out instead of snubbing people who, despite being a bad influence, had been an important part of making me who I am.
Megan also helped me learn that drinking is not the answer to depression. At the time, it wasn't that hard for her to do. I drank because I was lonely. She made me feel less alone. Once again, she allowed me to step back and realize what I was doing.
Intitally, after I left Megan's house today, my gut reaction was to swing by the store and buy a 12 pack of Newcastle to drown my sorrows. But I realized that sort of thing could lead to regression, which isn't healthy. Why should I let myself slip back to square one and lose everything I'd gotten out of this relationship?
The worst thing I can do is let the past three and a half years be all for naught.
The funny thing about love is, sometimes we mistake it for feeling whole. "You complete who I am right now" isn't anywhere close to "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you." People are weird creatures who often mistake one emotion for the other while being caught up in a moment.
Megan and I didn't work out the way I hoped we would. After looking into her eyes today while she cut me loose, I noticed the luster had gone from them. Then I tried to remember the last time I saw them sparkle, but I couldn't. At that point, all I could remember was the first time. When she told me she loved me in her grandmother's front yard. Had I just been replaying it the whole time? Maybe it was never there to begin with...
I'm going to try to stay friends with her, but I don't know if that'll end up being too weird. I hope it won't be. She's too big a part of who I am now for me to just cut her out of my life completely. We've shared too much and have too large a vested interest in one another to throw the friendship we've built out the window.
Megan said she wanted to stay friends. And I could tell by her voice that she was being honest with me. Right now we've got geography working against us, so who knows where things will go from here. To be honest, I don't think anything should have to change other than our physical relationship. As long as I can keep from wanting to kiss her, there's no reason that we can't make something work.
I'd hate to lose both my best friend any my girlfriend in one fell swoop. *sigh*
9.22.2005
dear mos def,
i love you and all, but i'm not paying forty bucks [fifty after ticketmaster's bullshit "service fees"] to go see you when you roll thru anaheim in november. i can't justify paying that sort of money to come out and see y'all perform. not even if talib kweli is on the bill [which he is] and you guys swear to god that you'll do "definition" sometime during the evening.
i hope you understand.
yours truly,
jason
i hope you understand.
yours truly,
jason
8.14.2005
upwardly mobile
apparently they've got a 2006 xb in camouflage [see above] that should be coming into the port sometime around the 22nd of august. while i had my heart set on the blue, they don't have one of those on their delivery schedule for another month. and while i could be patient, i really don't want to wait that long.
sure, i could try to hunt a stock blue one out at another nearby dealer but it's sort of a pain in the ass. from what i understand they end up tricking most of the new cars out at the port unless they've been earmarked for someone.
*shrug* it doesn't upset me too much. after all, the camo was my second color choice. it's a bit more mannish of a color than the pearl blue anyhow.
but yeah, i'm excited...
8.11.2005
weekend lunching
ooh, according to la.foodblogging my favorite patissierre [boule] has started offering sandwiches for the lunch crowd. what's more, they all sound really, really good.
hrm. i wonder if i can convice megs to take a trip over that way for lunch this weekend...
hrm. i wonder if i can convice megs to take a trip over that way for lunch this weekend...
of course it runs netbsd...
my old circle of friends used to have this inside joke where any time netbsd was brought up someone would loudly chime in, "ah yes, netbsd... you know there's a port of netbsd that works on my grandmother's vibrator, right?"
most of the times it'd induce both shudders and guffaws. and eventually the standard response became "i never have been able to get the vibrator port to work... but my toaster runs it like a dream." it was sort of like our own little absurdist secret handshake as we never really thought that netbsd would ever really run on either device.
well, it looks like someone finished the toaster port. i guess all we need now is for someone to cram a gumstix in a jelly dong...
most of the times it'd induce both shudders and guffaws. and eventually the standard response became "i never have been able to get the vibrator port to work... but my toaster runs it like a dream." it was sort of like our own little absurdist secret handshake as we never really thought that netbsd would ever really run on either device.
well, it looks like someone finished the toaster port. i guess all we need now is for someone to cram a gumstix in a jelly dong...
8.09.2005
hooray for anthropohobia
i had a very "gee whiz" moment over the weekend with the bank of america website, so i thought i'd share...
ever since b of a fucked me over with a direct deposit snafu back in 1998, i've been bank account free. yeah, i'm one of those weird anomalies that you only ever hear about. other than having to jump thru a few hoops whenever i wanted to cash my paycheck, i really haven't had too much of a problem without one. honestly, it wasn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. in fact, i was really happy without one...
that is, of course, until i figured out that i sort of needed one if i wanted to buy a car.
since i'd cleared things up with bank of america back in 2000, i thought i'd give them another chance. besides, i work in a building where the bank is literally downstairs. call me lazy, but it seemed like a nice fit. *shrug* were there a wells fargo in the same building i'd probably be with them right now.
now since i'm sort of a hermit, i really wasn't looking forward to sitting in a lobby for an hour or two while some guy shuffles paperwork and feigns being friendly while they run a credit check on me. still, it was something i assumed i had to do. that is until i went online to check when the bank opens. it was then that i noticed that i could apply for an account online. really? a lack of human contact? sign me up!
20 minutes later, i'd done just that. on a sunday no less. and the next morning my inbox had a piping hot approval notice in it. it was a nice note that assured me that my atm card and checks should make their way to me in the next week and the only human contact i'll have to endure is going into the bank to set the pin on my card and verify my identity.
but man, how lovely is that?
ever since b of a fucked me over with a direct deposit snafu back in 1998, i've been bank account free. yeah, i'm one of those weird anomalies that you only ever hear about. other than having to jump thru a few hoops whenever i wanted to cash my paycheck, i really haven't had too much of a problem without one. honestly, it wasn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. in fact, i was really happy without one...
that is, of course, until i figured out that i sort of needed one if i wanted to buy a car.
since i'd cleared things up with bank of america back in 2000, i thought i'd give them another chance. besides, i work in a building where the bank is literally downstairs. call me lazy, but it seemed like a nice fit. *shrug* were there a wells fargo in the same building i'd probably be with them right now.
now since i'm sort of a hermit, i really wasn't looking forward to sitting in a lobby for an hour or two while some guy shuffles paperwork and feigns being friendly while they run a credit check on me. still, it was something i assumed i had to do. that is until i went online to check when the bank opens. it was then that i noticed that i could apply for an account online. really? a lack of human contact? sign me up!
20 minutes later, i'd done just that. on a sunday no less. and the next morning my inbox had a piping hot approval notice in it. it was a nice note that assured me that my atm card and checks should make their way to me in the next week and the only human contact i'll have to endure is going into the bank to set the pin on my card and verify my identity.
but man, how lovely is that?
8.05.2005
speaking of death cab...
a little birdie got a copy of the new album [plans] to me.
so. very. good.
and despite the fact that i totally downloaded it, i'm going to have no problem buying a copy on august 30th.
but as suck free as i think it is, i know pitchfork is going to take a shit all over this one. which is unfortunate but expected. *shrug*
so. very. good.
and despite the fact that i totally downloaded it, i'm going to have no problem buying a copy on august 30th.
but as suck free as i think it is, i know pitchfork is going to take a shit all over this one. which is unfortunate but expected. *shrug*
8.03.2005
a melody softly soaring thru my atmosphere
death cab for cutie's new single "soul meets body" just took over the top heavy rotation spot on my ipod. seriously good stuff. well, i like it. *shrug*
also, "marching bands of manhattan" is very reassuring. i have a good feeling that the new album - which is their first on a major label - isn't going to suck.
p.s. i'm not sure if it's my ibook's lack of ram or the fact that it was taped off the radio but that link for "marching bands..." seems to have a couple skips. just letting you know that you shouldn't expect a perfect copy. hope that doesn't ruin it for you. enjoy!
also, "marching bands of manhattan" is very reassuring. i have a good feeling that the new album - which is their first on a major label - isn't going to suck.
p.s. i'm not sure if it's my ibook's lack of ram or the fact that it was taped off the radio but that link for "marching bands..." seems to have a couple skips. just letting you know that you shouldn't expect a perfect copy. hope that doesn't ruin it for you. enjoy!
8.02.2005
piracy breeds popularity
does anyone else find it funny that epitaph went thru a whole bunch of trouble to "internet proof" the new danger doom album? i mean the internet pretty much made dangermouse the latest hot producer, and this is the thanks we get? pfft.
i hope this was the label's choice and not dangermouse's - otherwise i'm bound to label this one of the quickest 180's i've ever seen and move on.
i hope this was the label's choice and not dangermouse's - otherwise i'm bound to label this one of the quickest 180's i've ever seen and move on.
8.01.2005
when it rains, it pours
august is not being that awesome of a month so far.
i had my laptop open and charging back in my bedroom last night while i was in the front of the house watching entourage. when i came back to shut it down and go to bed, my ibook couldn't nudge itself out of screensaver stasis.
"odd," i thought. "but things have been taking a bit longer since i rma'ed that ram. i'll take a shower and see if it's cool then."
ten minutes later, i'd come back to my room and still the same screen greeted me. something has to be frozen... oh well, hopefully a reboot will help.
so i issue a cmd-ctrl-power and the machine does it magic. but on the reboot it can't get past the boot screen. hrm. a reboot and a cmd-v to verbose mode might give me some idea of what's going on.
when the computer comes back up, what do i see but "not a mach-o file, bad magic number" peppering my console. fuck. this can't be good. and after i do a whole bunch of research on the issue i find out that no, it's not good. and it seems like the easiest way to go about fixing this is to do a reinstall.
i wanted to upgrade to tiger, but not like this. *shrug* at least i've got a backup of all my crucial projects.
still, i can't figure out what in the hell besides a crufty panther install could have hosed my machine the way it did. i wasn't running anything other than mail and safari when it shit.
the hardware tool says all the bits of my ibook are functional so i can rule that out. diskwarrior and os x's disk utility aren't spitting any errors back at me. this shit is just brutally confusing.
now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to make sure everything's happily backed up before i go installing. wish me luck.
i had my laptop open and charging back in my bedroom last night while i was in the front of the house watching entourage. when i came back to shut it down and go to bed, my ibook couldn't nudge itself out of screensaver stasis.
"odd," i thought. "but things have been taking a bit longer since i rma'ed that ram. i'll take a shower and see if it's cool then."
ten minutes later, i'd come back to my room and still the same screen greeted me. something has to be frozen... oh well, hopefully a reboot will help.
so i issue a cmd-ctrl-power and the machine does it magic. but on the reboot it can't get past the boot screen. hrm. a reboot and a cmd-v to verbose mode might give me some idea of what's going on.
when the computer comes back up, what do i see but "not a mach-o file, bad magic number" peppering my console. fuck. this can't be good. and after i do a whole bunch of research on the issue i find out that no, it's not good. and it seems like the easiest way to go about fixing this is to do a reinstall.
i wanted to upgrade to tiger, but not like this. *shrug* at least i've got a backup of all my crucial projects.
still, i can't figure out what in the hell besides a crufty panther install could have hosed my machine the way it did. i wasn't running anything other than mail and safari when it shit.
the hardware tool says all the bits of my ibook are functional so i can rule that out. diskwarrior and os x's disk utility aren't spitting any errors back at me. this shit is just brutally confusing.
now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to make sure everything's happily backed up before i go installing. wish me luck.
7.22.2005
crashtastic!
for the past two weeks, programs have been randomly crashing on my precious ibook. since i'm no stranger to troublshooting mac issues, i run the normal battery of tests.
i checked every plist twice... things still randomly crashed.
i cleared my font and system cache... still no improvement.
i booted from the install disk, ran disk utility and repaired both my permissions and the hard disk... after that, it took a couple hours for the random crashes to come back. but they did.
i run the hardware test disk... bingo!
it looks like the 512mb stick of ram is in the process of failing. *shrug* it could be worse... it could have been the dimm that's soldered onto the board. that might have been no fun.
guess who gets to spend an otherwise lazy friday at work on the phone with 1-800-4-memory to start the rma process. if you said "jason" give yourself a gold star.
thank god i bought the memory with the lifetime warranty....
i checked every plist twice... things still randomly crashed.
i cleared my font and system cache... still no improvement.
i booted from the install disk, ran disk utility and repaired both my permissions and the hard disk... after that, it took a couple hours for the random crashes to come back. but they did.
i run the hardware test disk... bingo!
it looks like the 512mb stick of ram is in the process of failing. *shrug* it could be worse... it could have been the dimm that's soldered onto the board. that might have been no fun.
guess who gets to spend an otherwise lazy friday at work on the phone with 1-800-4-memory to start the rma process. if you said "jason" give yourself a gold star.
thank god i bought the memory with the lifetime warranty....
7.11.2005
why i love the internets, #37
but for some reason, this picture makes me lol so hard my wtf just kthxbye'd.
p.s. welcome san diego union tribune readers! glad to see that month old article is still getting picked up by news outlets.
6.24.2005
broadcast flagging
well, i got my form letter from senator feinstein reguarding the note i sent about the broadcast flag...
Dear Mr. Cosper:i really hate that slag but i appreciate the reply. i mean, it's always nice to find out much of a hollywood howdy doody your elected official is. *sigh*
Thank you for writing to me about the digital broadcast flag. I appreciate hearing from you.
I feel strongly that we must prevent the theft of copyrighted works, and that includes digital television (DTV) programming. As we move forward in the digital age, it is increasingly easy for unauthorized copies of copyrighted works to be made and illegally distributed. Over-the-air digital content is the easiest to pirate.
As we contemplate the use of new technologies to protect copyrighted works, we must pay careful attention to ensure that a balance is struck between competitive protections and individual consumer interests. It is important to allow for the continued fair use of copyrighted material, even while we seek to stop unauthorized reproductions from being illegally distributed outside the home and over the Internet.
Again, thank you for writing. Please know that as the Senate considers legislation of the broadcast flag, I will be sure to
keep your views in mind. If you should have any questions, please feel free to contact my Washington, DC staff at (202) 224-3841.
Sincerely yours,
Dianne Feinstein
United States Senator
6.16.2005
belated birthdays
leave it to me to be so caught up in what i'm doing to forget that this blog turned five on june 8th. *smacks forehead*
have i really been doing this for that long? man, time seems to go by so goddamn fast.
have i really been doing this for that long? man, time seems to go by so goddamn fast.
6.09.2005
story on local boy makes front page of paper; film at eleven
there's a profile on me [and preshrunk] in today's oc register.
i'm so happy about all this that i don't quite know what to say. i may as well let the article do the talking for me...
When he was in high school, Jason Cosper followed the code of the cool hunter.*sigh* i'm a very happy cat right now...
Say you scored some fantastic T-shirt in a thrift store, something your friends would all envy for its irony or humor or sheer coolness. Went without saying that you'd never give up your source.
Exclusivity made it more special - your thing and no one else could have it.
So, the success Cosper enjoys with Preshrunk.info - his 5-month-old weblog on cool T-shirts - pains him ever so slightly as he crosses that old line for thousands of readers each day.
6.05.2005
what is this x86 you speak of?
there's nothing wrong here. in fact, everything in apple land is full of magic farts and unicorns...
5.27.2005
5.24.2005
fortune of the indeterminate time period
"the problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it."
:: glaser and way
5.23.2005
dear snapple,
your diet lemonade iced tea is deliciously evil. i've also found that i rather enjoy your diet cranberry raspberry when i want to go caffeine free.
thanks for making stuff that tastes better than diet coke.
yours truly,
jason
thanks for making stuff that tastes better than diet coke.
yours truly,
jason